Something Between the Legs

This is the monologue I wrote and preformed my first year at Grinnell for G-mons. At the time I was coming into a genderqueer identity and was only out to my girlfriend of the time and the lady I went to talk to every Tuesday.
This was a big step in my life - I hope someday I can give performances about the bad stuff too but for now this is what I've got.

Enjoy.

Something Between the Legs
by Nikki Jameson (Spring 2008)

I have only one friend who has grown up with me and helped me learn a lot about her and myself. I remember once I realized just how hairy she was, and I convinced her to shave. It wasn’t that bad we used one of my mums razors and away we went. I enjoyed looking at and feeling her bare skin but it was extremely itchy when the hair grew back in patchy stubbles. I was 12 years old and this was the first real attention I had ever given my vagina. It was uncomfortable and I didn’t want to do it again. I’d forgotten about her then 5 years ago we began to grow together in a transition from prissy cheerleader to penis envying artist.

Year one: Freshman year of high school my vagina and I wear spanky pants and short skirts. She is a devote cheerleader who gets lot of attention and lives carefree. She has no job or ties, but keeps herself clean-cut in case something arises. The best part of the cheerleading years, was other girls vagina’s in short skirts and spanky pants.

Year two: Although my vagina was still a bouncy cheerleader year two lead to a Hippy love interest. Me and my vagina fell head of heels for this long haired untamed girl. She was the first person my vagina and I actually cared about. We spent many nights drinking tea and braiding each other’s hair. She was a beautiful person, who I loved more than I knew at the time. I thought my vagina and I had found our match, with a year that would never end. Life was complete.

Year three: My vagina and I get on a plane and take the long fright to Europe. We spend 11 long crazy months learning so much about culture, food, life, and most importantly German beer. My vagina branched out in many directions and became what many would call a rebel. She loved embracing her punk rock goddess and felt liberated with her new Mohawk. I never let her dye her hair blue but she was happy involved and discovering.

Year four: My vagina and I come back home to small town America where no one understands how much we have changed. She is no longer prissy and bouncy, but that is what everyone still expected her to be. The hippy girl had moved on, and my vagina and I soon found being a rebel was a hard way to slide through life. My vagina decided to pick up the black turtleneck never to leave the performing arts again. She is now a poet who likes deep… thought and black coffee. The year drags by with my vagina feeling trapped and lonely.

Year five: My artist vagina and I come to Grinnell. Where there are apparently no limits. This is the first time in years that she shaves again. But soon learns, it is an itchy mess that is indeed uncomfortable when it grows back. She enjoys this new freedom with people who understand where she came from. My vagina was not expecting to find anyone at Grinnell who understood her, or even cared to understand her. She was too jaded by small town America to live outside of her own box. The day she first had penis envy she couldn’t comprehend it. Since the first time my vagina had fallen in love sex had always been fine, she didn’t need anything but what was attached to a wrist to please her. Now she was in a situation where maybe something else, something between the legs made of plastic would be a nice change. Not only did my vagina want to have this object, but she wanted to give this object too. My vagina and I are going through an identity crisis.

Year five is not yet over, and the transition is not yet complete. My vagina is allowing room to grow, learn and understand. I can relate to my vagina more now that ever before. When I was 12 years old I didn’t know shaving her would start a process of learning and growing. She is not just part of my body, she is a friend who understands me although I do not often understand her. Only together can we sort through who we truly are, cheerleader, hippy, rebel, artist, me.

the colours of history

Yesterday I blogged about equality and I began to think more about the rainbow flag that I had posted. Turns out it has more of a history than I first thought.

The original Rainbow Flag was 8 striped
















1. Hot Pink for Sex
2. Red for Life
3. Orange for Healing
4. Yellow for Sun
5. Green for Nature
6. Turquoise for Art
7. Indigo for Harmony
8. Violet for Spirit.






But two occasions rose to make the flag what it is today.

San Francisco artist Gilbert Baker designed the rainbow flag in response to a need for a symbol that could be used year after year.

Gay folklore says that a parade was taking place in San Francisco where Baker and thirty volunteers hand-stitched and hand-dyed two huge prototype flags for the parade. But members of another pride parade realized they did not have all the colours necessary to paint themselves in the full 8 colour rainbow this was shortly after the flag came into existence in 1978.

The next year Baker approached San Francisco Paramount Flag Company to mass-produce rainbow flags for the 1979 parade. Due to production cost and other constraints the hot pink and turquoise were removed and blue replaced the indigo.

And thus the 6 striped gay pride flag came into being. Now it is mass-produced and can be seen in major cities and countries throughout the world.

My pride flag for example came from Hamm, Germany.

Smile for equality today!

What a dreary day in Iowa, yet the happiest day in Iowa since the election of President Obama and The Caucuses of January 2008.

Today all Iowans have the same rights as same sex marriage can now be preformed throughout the entire state. It was a rocky couple of weeks but no huge protests or large riots over the matter happened, and the legislation was not challenged. This means queer Iowans can rest assured that until 2012 no changes will be made in this legislation. And even then it is almost sure that nothing will change as all representatives who have released comments seem positive that the Iowan Supreme Court's unanimous decision is the right decision for Iowa.

This is a proud and happy day for Iowa, being the first mid-west state with protection and benefits of same sex couples in marriage. Each of the state connecting Iowa haven't begun (to my knowledge) and processes such as these. It is reminiscent of Iowa's progression in the last civil rights movement. Before inter racial marriage was legal in any of the surrounding states, Iowans allowed whites and blacks to come together in the union of marriage. Now this movement is proud to take Iowa under it's wing as a safe place for unions, unions that are actually marriage.

Good job Iowa! It may only be 45* and it may be windy and rainy but smiling faces can be seen everywhere. Including on the face of this queer tranny!

FREE HUGS FOR ALL

JUST NOW I WROTE THIS AND NOT 5 MINUTES LATER I BECAME AWARE OF [http://www.godhatesfags.com/written/fliers/20090423_Des-Moines-IA-Lincoln-High-School-g.pdf|THIS PROTEST]
APPARENTLY GOD HATES IOWA - FAGS - AND FAG ENABLERS.
MORE HUGS FOR YOU IOWA
MORE HUGS FOR YOU

no words to explain

Today was a lovely break from my toils. I want to Annabell's Attic with Kathleen and Kate. Then we did a little more downtown business before heading over to the Dairy Barn. I had so much fun and I felt really awesome. It made me really want to spend a summer in Grinnell. A week of summer will have to suffice for all of that.
(Kate and I have mad plans for cuddles and food and beer in that week after school is out)

But it has been a really hard week for me. I've spend hours in the Costume Studio doing countless loads of laundry and spending countless hours ironing clothing. I love working in the Theatre but sometimes I hate that it steals away my life. And next week I have more tech when Women of Troy goes up, but at least I would be stuck in this basement.

It's sad because I haven't even seen Evan much this week - I've been coming home to late, closing my door when I am there and sleeping in the afternoons. So there were no stop by visits or silly sharing times. He even missed me this afternoon when I went out with the gals. We will have to make up for lost time tonight and tomorrow night. And i will have to make sure Theatre doesn't eat my soul.

p.s. I though I was over the gay man.... turns out I'm not
I'm just a sucker for girls who look like boys
and boys who look like girls.
damn

Student designer

Please don't give me shit as a student designer. I made a conscious choice to put you into something, and I altered it so that it fit. By hand even. Those are hand stitches!
I've read the play, I've done my research, I've sat in production meetings. I may not have a degree but I designed this show and this is the way that I want it.

One actor gave me shit today about a costume and feeling like it didn't fit. This is untrue. The costume fits fine with everything else. It is actually one I am quite fond of! I'm exhausted and I did not want to go into my entire design concept and process with her. Furthermore what designer ever does with an actor. It hurt me a little. But I had to go back to the other show I am working on and I didn't have time to worry about it.

Leda assured me that the colours are "AMAZING" and that she loves the choices I made. Why do I let it bother me then?

5555555

Sometimes I want to be really full of myself
sometimes I want to talk to no one
sometimes I want to fall in love
sometimes I think I already am

I need to cuddle more
I need to sleep more
I need to sit in the sun at least once this week.

I may even need to cry a little.

cracked....

I have cracked academically.
This semester I may have bit off more than I can chew - and it will be catching up with me as the semester starts to wind down.

Today I start two consecutive weeks of Tech. One show I am the costume crew chief and the second show I am costume designer. This will prove the test of time, and my sanity.

Last night I collapsed - and ended up in bed just after 9pm. It was probably the best decision could have made for myself as I need to be above par the rest of the week.

Today I have 5 fittings - meaning only 4 will have to happen next week.

and I have 25 pages of my first 20-30 pages written.
That means I can stop very soon, and edit and prefect
and move onto my second 20-30 page paper.
and senior seminar presentation.

I deserve to say this
FUCK MY LIFE !

Negative carbon footprint

I love doing things that don't take energy and electricity or make noise. These all pollute my head and heart and world. Recently I've began buying the more expensive earth and people friendly coffee. This though is more expense and I was pensive to use it in my cheap coffee machine. I never had to worry though because my coffee maker is now dead and therefore will not be making anymore horrible coffee.

I have started a cold brew system.
Basically it is a mason jar with 2 cups of water and 1/2 cup of coffee in it
I mix it up and let it sit for 12 hours.
Then I strain the coffee out of the liquid
and I have coffee concentrate

I then mix this one to three with some liquid.
either soy milk
warm water
or cold water

It is delicious and the concentrate keeps for 2 weeks in my fridge. So I can make quick coffee anytime. And I'm saving money and energy.

and it is silent. You don't know how much I value my silence.

NO Shopping at AMAZON

Over the past few months some individuals in the Queer community have found shopping for queer related literature on amazon.com difficult. This is because a systematic removal of all GLBTQI literature has been underway.
There for a no shopping clause has be ignited through out the community - and I ask you to join us against Amazon. No matter if you are gay, straight, a, or other. This is discrimination that shouldn't happen to any group of individuals!

Information about this can be found below
and you should also sign the petetion at the making Change website!



http://rosalarian.livejournal.com/253096.html

http://www.change.org/actions/view/tell_amazon_to_stop_discriminating_against_lgbt_books

German - English TRANSLATE FOR ME

As many of you may know German is my second tongue and I love speaking and reading and hearing it. This though has lead to a few problems in my English, specifically in my academic writing. I also have the added disadvantage of being dyslexic, which doesn't help my case in any language that I learn. My solution as funny as it sounds, it to take English grammar tests online.
here is the site- http://www.ego4u.com/en/cram-up/grammar
I thought it was a perfect solution, because the page offers help to German's who are already proficient in English with practical tests and simple practice.