the stories your grandparents tell

My life is a series of surprises. I think that everyone's is but I try to never stick to a routine but instead walk a different way to class or to the grocery store, but the other day I was surprised in a way that I still can not fully explain.

I called my grandmother to thank her for he birthday car she had sent me. We were talking and ended up on the conversation of my gay grandfather and the life they lived together before he was gay. I think this came up because I finally had the balls to mention in brief passing my girlfriend. I have never ever used those words with my grandmother even with really serious girls like Anna! It just NEVER happened. But anyway that is a whole other story about how I did not even receive a reaction from her about it (thank goodness!)

So we were talking and the conversation went to how the marriage began falling apart even before he came out because he was on a lot of drugs at the time. My grandmother then said, "but hey it was 1968, 69 and 70 we were all on a lot of drugs then!" Now if that was not enough my grandmother then went into a description of all the drugs she has ever taken! Which as far as I can tell was everything available that you didn't have to smoke or wasn't LSD. This she explained to me was because her father always told her that she shouldn't smoke because it wasn't lady like. The reason behind not messing with LSD was because a man on TV always talked about how his daughter took LSD and thought she could fly but ended up killing herself.

It was really strange to have this conversation with my grandmother, but I am really glad that it happened.

Take it back NYU

They are finally getting press for all that they have been doing. The student group 'take back NYU' has been working for 2 years to get their demands heard. You can read all about it here:
http://takebacknyu.com/demands/

They want more disclosure and representation, especially on the Trustee Board.
They also want the college to send surplus supplies to the Islamic University of Gaza
and offer scholarships to 13 individuals annually from the Gaza Strip.
You take it back NYU! take it back!

Or you can read the Times article here:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/19/nyregion/19nyu.html?_r=1&scp=2&sq=NYU&st=cse

behind the colored scars

My current location - gently leaning on a pillow with a blanket near and my epidemiology book open. For my 20th birthday I decided to get the second half of my lower back piece done. So now with my back bleeding and my body still in small shock I write to you.

The two fairies came into existence about 2.5 years ago. My friend Sammy and I were talking about our 18th birthday which fell on the same day February 22 2007. I was getting a tattoo but at that time still wasn't sure what it was going to be of. I will have to explain to you now that Sammy and I believed that we were each others sole mate. Not in a sexual way as we never planned on dating or being romantically active with each other. But we decided that we would both get a fairy tattooed somewhere on our body to always remember the other by. My first fairy is named Keomie which means the beautiful one. It is a representation of what Sammy wanted to look like. Sammy was a transgender MTF but was still preop.

Sammy killed herself at her fathers home in northern California. I was crushed and didn't know how to deal with it for a really long time. I loved that girl with everything in me and didn't want to think about the fact that I couldn't call her up and talk about anything and everything anymore. I never had experienced losing someone and I had to deal with school and everything involved with moving on. Long story short there was another fairy that had been drawn. I didn't have the original artwork that sammy had worked out with one of her artistic friends but I had the ideas that sammy and I talked about together. So it took me months but I recreated the second fairy who then ended up in a box under my bed for a long time. This year I decided that I was going to get the second artwork done.

Today was that day and now the unnamed fairy has joined my canvas. Instead of having her on a toadstool I have her on a tree branch that has no flowers or blooms on it. I am designing more work to be added later but for now this is how the piece will stay. The first fairy is looking off into the distance, which was the idea to begin with. The idea of always looking of into the distance for my other half. But now it is even more true as the second fairy looks up to the first with a face that almost breaks my heart.

The art took just less than 2 hours, and I almost died towards the end. I wanted to give up, but I was so close. Also the wings (which are blue) almost killed me because they were on such soft skin but now that it is over I would not have wanted it any other way. My next (4th) is almost finished being designed and I may end up getting it before the summer. I am working on a 1/4 sleeve on my left arm I already have one piece of work there - my genderqueer symbol. I plan to add spirituality, theatre, Germany, Africa, and perhaps something girl scout related to the sleeve. I am not completely sure yet though. I also plan on getting keomie reshaded to make it more of one picture

Hii?

This weekend I have been in a queer bubble. The annual MBLGTACC: Midwestern bisexual lesbian gay transgender ally college conference was held in Bloomington Indian at the University there. 1500 college queers and allies came from at least 7 states for workshops, speakers, and general queer networking and socializing. I spent my time in trans workshops spreading my tentacles and soaking up as much information and ideas as possible, my group joked with me that I was “so popular” because as we were standing outside many people remembered me and greeted me. I met hundreds of individuals and passed out my cards in hopes to create lasting connections and communication possibilities. My gender pronouns were never an issue, and I was asked up front what identification I preferred. In this safe and accepting space I joked that I would experience culture shock when traveling and being back in Grinnell.

This is a t-shirt design with a funny pun on the Nintendo wii used as a marketing tool towards Christian youth stopped me in my tracks today. I was in the “worlds largest truck stop” in Iowa just over the Illinois boarder. I cannot say that the t-shirt offended me but I was indeed very interested. I took a moment to imagine the individuals who would both buy and wear these shirts. To make a generalization most Christian youth who would enjoy video game puns do not question gender on a daily bases. Granted now that I say this I am reminded of my video game nerd grade school friend. He was a devout Christian and one of the only friends from my youth who did not detest me after I came out in High School (he actually liked having a lesbian friend.) He and I have also had conversations recently about my gender identity (granted only over facebook but he now lives and is married in Tennessee.) So this individual wearing the T-shirt with “hii” plastered on it is not as much of an issue as others. Perhaps it is not an issue at all, but instead I am too caught up having recently experimented with my own pronoun usage before settling on ze.

I guess my big wonder is if this t-shirt will help or harm the gender neutral pronoun movement.
Also if you were wondering all weekend I was referred to by ze and it felt really right. New people that I met will never have the she attached to me and that makes it easier for them to use ze. I am happy with this fact.

That's what ze said - the transqueer that is

Today I made a public blog statement that I wanted to start using gender neutral pronouns in the form of ze. This would in turn look like
Ze laughed
I called zer
Zer eyes gleam
That is zer
Ze likes zemself

Now before I was using the gender non-specific "n" as my pronoun so you all may wonder why the big change now. My idea behind "n" was to not make a blig public statement about my gender, or lack there of but instead try to use this individualistic expression as something not important. After reading more literature, and being active with a trans community online I've decided that the movement to make ze or em natural pronouns in the English language is an important shift.
When I choose to change my prounoun I am already making some sort of statement, weather I like it or not so I feel now that it is important for me to help alone the moevment in this way. being thought of as ze isn't that wierd to me anymore that she is but at lease now I can have the satisfaction that ze is going somewhere in the mind of those who have no idea about trans issues.

You may not understand this logic compleatly but I feel strongly that since I don't want to be refered to as she is doesn't matter what lable I actually aquire so why not help a term become more wide spread.
yeah?

Happy monday all

Tribute to the Jamesons

Life is something to not take for granted it is like sunshine, completely transitional it is there and it is gone.
My grandfather is HIV positive and is quickly shifting into the AIDS stage if he has not already. My grandfather is a strong courageous beautiful person. I've always been inspired by him and have attempted to gather as many of his stories as possible. Most of what I want to do with the rest of my life is because of what I have learned from my grandfather. He always talks about how our generation will change the world, and will make all of his generation's dreams possible. Mostly he talks about queer issues, which he knows I do a lot of work on. He can't get enough of my stories and I can't get enough of his.

My grandfather's favorite drink is a Whiskey on the rocks or with Club Soda. He is a very very gay man, and whiskey is a "mans" drink. Today after doing some research I've decided to have a small whiskey drinking. I don't want to get drunk from it, but I want to honor this "manly" drink to it's full potential. I've been meaning to buy Jameson's Irish Whiskey for a long time now, and today just might be that day.