This is the monologue I wrote and preformed my first year at Grinnell for G-mons. At the time I was coming into a genderqueer identity and was only out to my girlfriend of the time and the lady I went to talk to every Tuesday.
This was a big step in my life - I hope someday I can give performances about the bad stuff too but for now this is what I've got.
Enjoy.
Something Between the Legs
by Nikki Jameson (Spring 2008)
I have only one friend who has grown up with me and helped me learn a lot about her and myself. I remember once I realized just how hairy she was, and I convinced her to shave. It wasn’t that bad we used one of my mums razors and away we went. I enjoyed looking at and feeling her bare skin but it was extremely itchy when the hair grew back in patchy stubbles. I was 12 years old and this was the first real attention I had ever given my vagina. It was uncomfortable and I didn’t want to do it again. I’d forgotten about her then 5 years ago we began to grow together in a transition from prissy cheerleader to penis envying artist.
Year one: Freshman year of high school my vagina and I wear spanky pants and short skirts. She is a devote cheerleader who gets lot of attention and lives carefree. She has no job or ties, but keeps herself clean-cut in case something arises. The best part of the cheerleading years, was other girls vagina’s in short skirts and spanky pants.
Year two: Although my vagina was still a bouncy cheerleader year two lead to a Hippy love interest. Me and my vagina fell head of heels for this long haired untamed girl. She was the first person my vagina and I actually cared about. We spent many nights drinking tea and braiding each other’s hair. She was a beautiful person, who I loved more than I knew at the time. I thought my vagina and I had found our match, with a year that would never end. Life was complete.
Year three: My vagina and I get on a plane and take the long fright to Europe. We spend 11 long crazy months learning so much about culture, food, life, and most importantly German beer. My vagina branched out in many directions and became what many would call a rebel. She loved embracing her punk rock goddess and felt liberated with her new Mohawk. I never let her dye her hair blue but she was happy involved and discovering.
Year four: My vagina and I come back home to small town America where no one understands how much we have changed. She is no longer prissy and bouncy, but that is what everyone still expected her to be. The hippy girl had moved on, and my vagina and I soon found being a rebel was a hard way to slide through life. My vagina decided to pick up the black turtleneck never to leave the performing arts again. She is now a poet who likes deep… thought and black coffee. The year drags by with my vagina feeling trapped and lonely.
Year five: My artist vagina and I come to Grinnell. Where there are apparently no limits. This is the first time in years that she shaves again. But soon learns, it is an itchy mess that is indeed uncomfortable when it grows back. She enjoys this new freedom with people who understand where she came from. My vagina was not expecting to find anyone at Grinnell who understood her, or even cared to understand her. She was too jaded by small town America to live outside of her own box. The day she first had penis envy she couldn’t comprehend it. Since the first time my vagina had fallen in love sex had always been fine, she didn’t need anything but what was attached to a wrist to please her. Now she was in a situation where maybe something else, something between the legs made of plastic would be a nice change. Not only did my vagina want to have this object, but she wanted to give this object too. My vagina and I are going through an identity crisis.
Year five is not yet over, and the transition is not yet complete. My vagina is allowing room to grow, learn and understand. I can relate to my vagina more now that ever before. When I was 12 years old I didn’t know shaving her would start a process of learning and growing. She is not just part of my body, she is a friend who understands me although I do not often understand her. Only together can we sort through who we truly are, cheerleader, hippy, rebel, artist, me.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
the colours of history
Yesterday I blogged about equality and I began to think more about the rainbow flag that I had posted. Turns out it has more of a history than I first thought.
The original Rainbow Flag was 8 striped
1. Hot Pink for Sex
2. Red for Life
3. Orange for Healing
4. Yellow for Sun
5. Green for Nature
6. Turquoise for Art
7. Indigo for Harmony
8. Violet for Spirit.
But two occasions rose to make the flag what it is today.
San Francisco artist Gilbert Baker designed the rainbow flag in response to a need for a symbol that could be used year after year.
Gay folklore says that a parade was taking place in San Francisco where Baker and thirty volunteers hand-stitched and hand-dyed two huge prototype flags for the parade. But members of another pride parade realized they did not have all the colours necessary to paint themselves in the full 8 colour rainbow this was shortly after the flag came into existence in 1978.
The next year Baker approached San Francisco Paramount Flag Company to mass-produce rainbow flags for the 1979 parade. Due to production cost and other constraints the hot pink and turquoise were removed and blue replaced the indigo.
And thus the 6 striped gay pride flag came into being. Now it is mass-produced and can be seen in major cities and countries throughout the world.
My pride flag for example came from Hamm, Germany.
The original Rainbow Flag was 8 striped
1. Hot Pink for Sex
2. Red for Life
3. Orange for Healing
4. Yellow for Sun
5. Green for Nature
6. Turquoise for Art
7. Indigo for Harmony
8. Violet for Spirit.
But two occasions rose to make the flag what it is today.
San Francisco artist Gilbert Baker designed the rainbow flag in response to a need for a symbol that could be used year after year.
Gay folklore says that a parade was taking place in San Francisco where Baker and thirty volunteers hand-stitched and hand-dyed two huge prototype flags for the parade. But members of another pride parade realized they did not have all the colours necessary to paint themselves in the full 8 colour rainbow this was shortly after the flag came into existence in 1978.
The next year Baker approached San Francisco Paramount Flag Company to mass-produce rainbow flags for the 1979 parade. Due to production cost and other constraints the hot pink and turquoise were removed and blue replaced the indigo.
And thus the 6 striped gay pride flag came into being. Now it is mass-produced and can be seen in major cities and countries throughout the world.
My pride flag for example came from Hamm, Germany.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Smile for equality today!
What a dreary day in Iowa, yet the happiest day in Iowa since the election of President Obama and The Caucuses of January 2008.
Today all Iowans have the same rights as same sex marriage can now be preformed throughout the entire state. It was a rocky couple of weeks but no huge protests or large riots over the matter happened, and the legislation was not challenged. This means queer Iowans can rest assured that until 2012 no changes will be made in this legislation. And even then it is almost sure that nothing will change as all representatives who have released comments seem positive that the Iowan Supreme Court's unanimous decision is the right decision for Iowa.
This is a proud and happy day for Iowa, being the first mid-west state with protection and benefits of same sex couples in marriage. Each of the state connecting Iowa haven't begun (to my knowledge) and processes such as these. It is reminiscent of Iowa's progression in the last civil rights movement. Before inter racial marriage was legal in any of the surrounding states, Iowans allowed whites and blacks to come together in the union of marriage. Now this movement is proud to take Iowa under it's wing as a safe place for unions, unions that are actually marriage.
Good job Iowa! It may only be 45* and it may be windy and rainy but smiling faces can be seen everywhere. Including on the face of this queer tranny!
FREE HUGS FOR ALL
JUST NOW I WROTE THIS AND NOT 5 MINUTES LATER I BECAME AWARE OF [http://www.godhatesfags.com/written/fliers/20090423_Des-Moines-IA-Lincoln-High-School-g.pdf|THIS PROTEST]
APPARENTLY GOD HATES IOWA - FAGS - AND FAG ENABLERS.
MORE HUGS FOR YOU IOWA
MORE HUGS FOR YOU
Friday, April 24, 2009
no words to explain
Today was a lovely break from my toils. I want to Annabell's Attic with Kathleen and Kate. Then we did a little more downtown business before heading over to the Dairy Barn. I had so much fun and I felt really awesome. It made me really want to spend a summer in Grinnell. A week of summer will have to suffice for all of that.
(Kate and I have mad plans for cuddles and food and beer in that week after school is out)
But it has been a really hard week for me. I've spend hours in the Costume Studio doing countless loads of laundry and spending countless hours ironing clothing. I love working in the Theatre but sometimes I hate that it steals away my life. And next week I have more tech when Women of Troy goes up, but at least I would be stuck in this basement.
It's sad because I haven't even seen Evan much this week - I've been coming home to late, closing my door when I am there and sleeping in the afternoons. So there were no stop by visits or silly sharing times. He even missed me this afternoon when I went out with the gals. We will have to make up for lost time tonight and tomorrow night. And i will have to make sure Theatre doesn't eat my soul.
p.s. I though I was over the gay man.... turns out I'm not
I'm just a sucker for girls who look like boys
and boys who look like girls.
damn
(Kate and I have mad plans for cuddles and food and beer in that week after school is out)
But it has been a really hard week for me. I've spend hours in the Costume Studio doing countless loads of laundry and spending countless hours ironing clothing. I love working in the Theatre but sometimes I hate that it steals away my life. And next week I have more tech when Women of Troy goes up, but at least I would be stuck in this basement.
It's sad because I haven't even seen Evan much this week - I've been coming home to late, closing my door when I am there and sleeping in the afternoons. So there were no stop by visits or silly sharing times. He even missed me this afternoon when I went out with the gals. We will have to make up for lost time tonight and tomorrow night. And i will have to make sure Theatre doesn't eat my soul.
p.s. I though I was over the gay man.... turns out I'm not
I'm just a sucker for girls who look like boys
and boys who look like girls.
damn
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Student designer
Please don't give me shit as a student designer. I made a conscious choice to put you into something, and I altered it so that it fit. By hand even. Those are hand stitches!
I've read the play, I've done my research, I've sat in production meetings. I may not have a degree but I designed this show and this is the way that I want it.
One actor gave me shit today about a costume and feeling like it didn't fit. This is untrue. The costume fits fine with everything else. It is actually one I am quite fond of! I'm exhausted and I did not want to go into my entire design concept and process with her. Furthermore what designer ever does with an actor. It hurt me a little. But I had to go back to the other show I am working on and I didn't have time to worry about it.
Leda assured me that the colours are "AMAZING" and that she loves the choices I made. Why do I let it bother me then?
I've read the play, I've done my research, I've sat in production meetings. I may not have a degree but I designed this show and this is the way that I want it.
One actor gave me shit today about a costume and feeling like it didn't fit. This is untrue. The costume fits fine with everything else. It is actually one I am quite fond of! I'm exhausted and I did not want to go into my entire design concept and process with her. Furthermore what designer ever does with an actor. It hurt me a little. But I had to go back to the other show I am working on and I didn't have time to worry about it.
Leda assured me that the colours are "AMAZING" and that she loves the choices I made. Why do I let it bother me then?
5555555
Sometimes I want to be really full of myself
sometimes I want to talk to no one
sometimes I want to fall in love
sometimes I think I already am
I need to cuddle more
I need to sleep more
I need to sit in the sun at least once this week.
I may even need to cry a little.
sometimes I want to talk to no one
sometimes I want to fall in love
sometimes I think I already am
I need to cuddle more
I need to sleep more
I need to sit in the sun at least once this week.
I may even need to cry a little.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
cracked....
I have cracked academically.
This semester I may have bit off more than I can chew - and it will be catching up with me as the semester starts to wind down.
Today I start two consecutive weeks of Tech. One show I am the costume crew chief and the second show I am costume designer. This will prove the test of time, and my sanity.
Last night I collapsed - and ended up in bed just after 9pm. It was probably the best decision could have made for myself as I need to be above par the rest of the week.
Today I have 5 fittings - meaning only 4 will have to happen next week.
and I have 25 pages of my first 20-30 pages written.
That means I can stop very soon, and edit and prefect
and move onto my second 20-30 page paper.
and senior seminar presentation.
I deserve to say this
FUCK MY LIFE !
This semester I may have bit off more than I can chew - and it will be catching up with me as the semester starts to wind down.
Today I start two consecutive weeks of Tech. One show I am the costume crew chief and the second show I am costume designer. This will prove the test of time, and my sanity.
Last night I collapsed - and ended up in bed just after 9pm. It was probably the best decision could have made for myself as I need to be above par the rest of the week.
Today I have 5 fittings - meaning only 4 will have to happen next week.
and I have 25 pages of my first 20-30 pages written.
That means I can stop very soon, and edit and prefect
and move onto my second 20-30 page paper.
and senior seminar presentation.
I deserve to say this
FUCK MY LIFE !
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Negative carbon footprint
I love doing things that don't take energy and electricity or make noise. These all pollute my head and heart and world. Recently I've began buying the more expensive earth and people friendly coffee. This though is more expense and I was pensive to use it in my cheap coffee machine. I never had to worry though because my coffee maker is now dead and therefore will not be making anymore horrible coffee.
I have started a cold brew system.
Basically it is a mason jar with 2 cups of water and 1/2 cup of coffee in it
I mix it up and let it sit for 12 hours.
Then I strain the coffee out of the liquid
and I have coffee concentrate
I then mix this one to three with some liquid.
either soy milk
warm water
or cold water
It is delicious and the concentrate keeps for 2 weeks in my fridge. So I can make quick coffee anytime. And I'm saving money and energy.
and it is silent. You don't know how much I value my silence.
I have started a cold brew system.
Basically it is a mason jar with 2 cups of water and 1/2 cup of coffee in it
I mix it up and let it sit for 12 hours.
Then I strain the coffee out of the liquid
and I have coffee concentrate
I then mix this one to three with some liquid.
either soy milk
warm water
or cold water
It is delicious and the concentrate keeps for 2 weeks in my fridge. So I can make quick coffee anytime. And I'm saving money and energy.
and it is silent. You don't know how much I value my silence.
Monday, April 13, 2009
NO Shopping at AMAZON
Over the past few months some individuals in the Queer community have found shopping for queer related literature on amazon.com difficult. This is because a systematic removal of all GLBTQI literature has been underway.
There for a no shopping clause has be ignited through out the community - and I ask you to join us against Amazon. No matter if you are gay, straight, a, or other. This is discrimination that shouldn't happen to any group of individuals!
Information about this can be found below
and you should also sign the petetion at the making Change website!
http://rosalarian.livejournal.com/253096.html
http://www.change.org/actions/view/tell_amazon_to_stop_discriminating_against_lgbt_books
There for a no shopping clause has be ignited through out the community - and I ask you to join us against Amazon. No matter if you are gay, straight, a, or other. This is discrimination that shouldn't happen to any group of individuals!
Information about this can be found below
and you should also sign the petetion at the making Change website!
http://rosalarian.livejournal.com/253096.html
http://www.change.org/actions/view/tell_amazon_to_stop_discriminating_against_lgbt_books
Saturday, April 11, 2009
German - English TRANSLATE FOR ME
As many of you may know German is my second tongue and I love speaking and reading and hearing it. This though has lead to a few problems in my English, specifically in my academic writing. I also have the added disadvantage of being dyslexic, which doesn't help my case in any language that I learn. My solution as funny as it sounds, it to take English grammar tests online.
here is the site- http://www.ego4u.com/en/cram-up/grammar
I thought it was a perfect solution, because the page offers help to German's who are already proficient in English with practical tests and simple practice.
here is the site- http://www.ego4u.com/en/cram-up/grammar
I thought it was a perfect solution, because the page offers help to German's who are already proficient in English with practical tests and simple practice.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Late Victorian (take me there)
I am currently costume designing a period piece for a class and a semi period piece for a show. I am having a hard time keeping myself straight with all the old cuts and big skirts.
An Enemy of the People - for my class is being set in 1882 and my designs are being true to that - they are even really beautiful! Although tonight I will be painting and spending hours in the studio - Grant McCracken said he will join me so I am not too lonely. I am sure to see other students there as well.
Women of Troy is an old Greek play that we are setting in "no time" with metallic undertones and simple colours. I am sure to have a good time with the girls all in dresses and the two men in proper man's clothing. I am excited for the chance to design something on my own accord.
All I want to do all day long is figure draw and watercolour paint!
all day long
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Vermont legalizes gay marriage by a vote of the people
Goats + Vermont
= future queer life
I will actually be running away to a farm now.
Magic Dance
David Bowie - someone I could be in love with
You remind me of the baby
What baby? baby with the power
What power? power of voodoo
Who do? you do
Do what? remind me of the baby
I saw my baby, crying hard as babe could cry
What could I do
My babys love had gone
And left my baby blue
Nobody knew
What kind of magic spell to use
Slime and snails
Or puppy dogs tails
Thunder or lightning
Then baby said
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Put that baby spell on me
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Put that magic jump on me
Slap that baby, make him free
I saw my baby, trying hard as babe could try
What could I do
My babys fun had gone
And left my baby blue
Nobody knew
What kind of magic spell to use
Slime and snails
Or puppy dogs tails
Thunder or lightning
Then baby said
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Put that baby spell on me
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Put that magic jump on me
Slap that baby, make him free
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Put that baby spell on me (ooh)
You remind me of the baby
What baby? the baby with the power
What power? power of voodoo
Who do? you do
Do what? remind me of the baby
Dance magic, dance, ooh ooh ooh
Dance magic, dance magic, ooh ooh ooh
Dance magic
What kind of magic spell to use
Slime and snails
Or puppy dog tails
Thunder or lightning
Something frightening
Dance magic, dance
Dance magic, dance
Put that baby spell on me
Jump magic, jump
Jump magic, jump
Put that magic jump on me
Slap that baby make him free
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Jump magic, jump
Put that magic jump on me
Slap that baby
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic
Slap that slap that baby make him free
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
You remind me of the baby
What baby? baby with the power
What power? power of voodoo
Who do? you do
Do what? remind me of the baby
I saw my baby, crying hard as babe could cry
What could I do
My babys love had gone
And left my baby blue
Nobody knew
What kind of magic spell to use
Slime and snails
Or puppy dogs tails
Thunder or lightning
Then baby said
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Put that baby spell on me
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Put that magic jump on me
Slap that baby, make him free
I saw my baby, trying hard as babe could try
What could I do
My babys fun had gone
And left my baby blue
Nobody knew
What kind of magic spell to use
Slime and snails
Or puppy dogs tails
Thunder or lightning
Then baby said
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Put that baby spell on me
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Put that magic jump on me
Slap that baby, make him free
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Put that baby spell on me (ooh)
You remind me of the baby
What baby? the baby with the power
What power? power of voodoo
Who do? you do
Do what? remind me of the baby
Dance magic, dance, ooh ooh ooh
Dance magic, dance magic, ooh ooh ooh
Dance magic
What kind of magic spell to use
Slime and snails
Or puppy dog tails
Thunder or lightning
Something frightening
Dance magic, dance
Dance magic, dance
Put that baby spell on me
Jump magic, jump
Jump magic, jump
Put that magic jump on me
Slap that baby make him free
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Jump magic, jump
Put that magic jump on me
Slap that baby
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic
Slap that slap that baby make him free
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Saturday, April 4, 2009
rally in celebration
We were fully expecting a loss yesterday in Iowa, but some miracle happened and Iowa became the 3rd state in the nation to legalize gay marriage. Although, the celebration yesterday continued into the night. This morning it is time to wake up to the facts. Our opposition is already trying to use this judicial cycle (ending in 2 weeks) to amend the constitution and discriminate against gay and lesbian individuals.
Though it is unlikely to happen - we can't just expect it not to! the next 14 days will be very telling in the state of Iowa. If we can stay strong through them marriage without any residence clause will take place throughout the whole state - with hubs here in Grinnell, in Iowa City, and Des Moines.
The economy will boom because of gay marriage - and Iowa hasn't seen it coming
I will keep my fingers crossed and I will fight through the next 3 years to change the hearts and minds of the opposition.
Good Luck Iowa - you have come so far!
Though it is unlikely to happen - we can't just expect it not to! the next 14 days will be very telling in the state of Iowa. If we can stay strong through them marriage without any residence clause will take place throughout the whole state - with hubs here in Grinnell, in Iowa City, and Des Moines.
The economy will boom because of gay marriage - and Iowa hasn't seen it coming
I will keep my fingers crossed and I will fight through the next 3 years to change the hearts and minds of the opposition.
Good Luck Iowa - you have come so far!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
GAY MARRIAGE RALLY
Tomorrow (or today) Friday
Iowa votes on gay marriage - this has all gone up so quickly and no queer group or support group was actually ready for it. So if you can go out today and show your support. I unfortunately can't make any of the rallies but I hope the Friday Peace march will focus on this topic.
Iowa is taking Giant leaps
I hope they don't let me down
RALLY LOCATIONS!
Hosted by One Iowa
Co-sponsors: Iowa Coalition Against Sexual Assault, Iowa Pride Network, ACLU of Iowa, I'M for Iowa, Marriage Equality USA - Iowa Chapter, Iowa Planned Parenthood Affiliate League, Freedom to Marry, PFLAG National, AIDS Project of Central Iowa, Iowa Coalition Against Domestic Violence, National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, Lambda Legal, Interfaith Alliance of Iowa, Human Rights Campaign
Des Moines Rally @ Western Gateway Park
13th Street between Grand & Locust @ 5:30 pm
Contact the One Iowa Office at 515.244.5846
Iowa City Rally @ Univ. of Iowa Pentacrest
On Clinton Street and Iowa Avenue @ 5:30 pm
Contact Matt Fender at 646.752.5932
Council Bluffs Rally @ Playland Park
2 North 40th Street @ 5:30 pm
Contact Matt Skuya at 515.314.0213
Quad Cities Rally @ Davenport Unitarian Church
3707 Eastern Avenue @ 5:30 pm
Contact Ryan Crane at 402.659.8110
Cedar Falls Rally @ Univ. of N. Iowa Maucker Union
5:30 pm
Contact Kaitlin Corbitz at 319.610.7155
Cedar Rapids Rally @ People's Church Unitarian Universalist
600 3rd Avenue SE @ 5:00 pm
Contact Andrea Jansa at 319.360.8072
Ames Rally @ Parks Library
ISU Campus next to the Hub @ 5:30 pm
Contact Matt Skuya at 515.314.0213
Mason City Rally @ Cerro Gordo County Courthouse
220 North Washington Avenue @ 5:30 pm
Contact Matthew Skuya at 515.314.0213
Help us show that Iowans support fairness and equality by using the attached script to phone your family/friends and let them know about the rally nearest you!
Iowa votes on gay marriage - this has all gone up so quickly and no queer group or support group was actually ready for it. So if you can go out today and show your support. I unfortunately can't make any of the rallies but I hope the Friday Peace march will focus on this topic.
Iowa is taking Giant leaps
I hope they don't let me down
RALLY LOCATIONS!
Hosted by One Iowa
Co-sponsors: Iowa Coalition Against Sexual Assault, Iowa Pride Network, ACLU of Iowa, I'M for Iowa, Marriage Equality USA - Iowa Chapter, Iowa Planned Parenthood Affiliate League, Freedom to Marry, PFLAG National, AIDS Project of Central Iowa, Iowa Coalition Against Domestic Violence, National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, Lambda Legal, Interfaith Alliance of Iowa, Human Rights Campaign
Des Moines Rally @ Western Gateway Park
13th Street between Grand & Locust @ 5:30 pm
Contact the One Iowa Office at 515.244.5846
Iowa City Rally @ Univ. of Iowa Pentacrest
On Clinton Street and Iowa Avenue @ 5:30 pm
Contact Matt Fender at 646.752.5932
Council Bluffs Rally @ Playland Park
2 North 40th Street @ 5:30 pm
Contact Matt Skuya at 515.314.0213
Quad Cities Rally @ Davenport Unitarian Church
3707 Eastern Avenue @ 5:30 pm
Contact Ryan Crane at 402.659.8110
Cedar Falls Rally @ Univ. of N. Iowa Maucker Union
5:30 pm
Contact Kaitlin Corbitz at 319.610.7155
Cedar Rapids Rally @ People's Church Unitarian Universalist
600 3rd Avenue SE @ 5:00 pm
Contact Andrea Jansa at 319.360.8072
Ames Rally @ Parks Library
ISU Campus next to the Hub @ 5:30 pm
Contact Matt Skuya at 515.314.0213
Mason City Rally @ Cerro Gordo County Courthouse
220 North Washington Avenue @ 5:30 pm
Contact Matthew Skuya at 515.314.0213
Help us show that Iowans support fairness and equality by using the attached script to phone your family/friends and let them know about the rally nearest you!
The story
Mantasies
Thus far my sex life has been less than promiscuous. I can count the number of people I have had sex with on one hand. This though does not mean I have been unsatisfied in my pursuits. I’ve had both g-spot and clit orgasms, I’ve 69ed, I’ve stood, sat, squatted and otherwise moved through sexual positions. I’ve had sex inside, outside, in classrooms, on sports fields, my bed, their bed, in neither of our bed’s, and even in a tree. I am happy with the people I’ve had relations with, but there are still small things that I wonder and dream about.
In the past I have exclusively partnered with women and once I was asked by a lover if I had any fantasies. We were naked together at the time and I thought about it for a few seconds before telling her that I had never thought about it before, and the answer was no. This was far from the truth as I have many sexual fantasies but there is much more that I cannot tell my female partners because my sexual fantasies are about a totally different group of individuals - men!
I love men, in the way that I always find the perfect guy fall madly in love with him saying out loud the entire time that I am a lesbian, I am a lesbian, I am a lesbian! But, I’m not a lesbian to be a lesbian I would have to identify as a woman all of the time and only want to partner with other women identifying individuals. I am a genderqueer and my gender identity is in fluid motion between male and female therefore it is really hard for me to say that I am actually a lesbian even if I have only recently been in serious relationships with lesbians. My trans identity underlies my sexual fantasies. So… let me tell you a little bit about them.
They are not the traditional boy-girl stationary, boring sex that many may think. *Most* of the boys I fall for are in ONE specific category, really, really, really gay! In most cases they are the typically gay man that we all know, and love. In some cases so gay that they are often confused as women. In a very, very few cases I fall in love with straight men as well, but these are the minority in my thoughts and ideas.
With the traditional gay men that I fall for, I think about us having a deep connection complete with talking, cuddling, and tea drinking in essence the ‘lesbian’ relationship between two queer individuals. But the sex with these men is what is different. I dream about dominating them, tying them up, and fucking them in the ass, it’s a shocker I know! I want to strap on my own personal penis and be their man. Actually I’ve wanted to grow up and be a man since at least the 3rd grade. Just, back then no one believed me – and now it’s just really expensive.
With the gay men who are often confused as women I get the most excited. These gender deviant individuals remind me of myself in a non-narcissistic way. I imagine them being as interested in sex and a relationship with other gender deviant individuals as I am. Meaning that exploration, questions, comments and concerns are much more important. I imagine that sex would go back in forth with me being both dominant and submissive, with sex toys, hands, mouths, and genital all being used to their full potentials. This grouping of individuals is also the only group I feel my fanatics will ever become realities with because they are on the same pursuit of sexual discovery as I am. My only fear is that during a fight, one of these queers is going to pierce me with a stiletto.
The last group of men, the straight men I almost completely left out of this monologue. That is because I do not typically sexualize these individuals when I imagine them. There is a lot of cuddling, and kissing but no thoughts of how it would be like to actually have sex with them. Perhaps this is because I fear losing my queer identity and falling into the hetero-normative lifestyle. Or perhaps I am scared of Michael Blankenship’s infamous phrase, “Nik you are such a bad lesbian!” Though, be it know it is this group of men that when fallen for, I pine the hardest after. Any one of my friends will tell you how it looks when I lust and swoon and melt over a straight man without ever expressing any interest to them publically, because I have learned I can not lead them on. Moreover, I feel part the interest I have in these men stems from the pursuit and tension I create within myself.
My sexual fantasies, of course are something my lesbian lovers cannot fulfill for me no matter if I tell them about it or not. It is not like I want to sex them up the ass, I am perfectly content with the way my interactions and relations with them are. In fact I really like lesbian sex! I’ve been told on many occasions that I should try it out with bi-sexual. You actually do get the best of both worlds, without them thinking about who else you like having sex with because they don’t like having sex with one gender either. But I do sometimes fine myself dreaming about that one gay man, who I have always been in love with, wondering if he will ever make my wildest dreams come true. So if you have any thoughts…. Comments… or questions… I live on read 2nd
Thus far my sex life has been less than promiscuous. I can count the number of people I have had sex with on one hand. This though does not mean I have been unsatisfied in my pursuits. I’ve had both g-spot and clit orgasms, I’ve 69ed, I’ve stood, sat, squatted and otherwise moved through sexual positions. I’ve had sex inside, outside, in classrooms, on sports fields, my bed, their bed, in neither of our bed’s, and even in a tree. I am happy with the people I’ve had relations with, but there are still small things that I wonder and dream about.
In the past I have exclusively partnered with women and once I was asked by a lover if I had any fantasies. We were naked together at the time and I thought about it for a few seconds before telling her that I had never thought about it before, and the answer was no. This was far from the truth as I have many sexual fantasies but there is much more that I cannot tell my female partners because my sexual fantasies are about a totally different group of individuals - men!
I love men, in the way that I always find the perfect guy fall madly in love with him saying out loud the entire time that I am a lesbian, I am a lesbian, I am a lesbian! But, I’m not a lesbian to be a lesbian I would have to identify as a woman all of the time and only want to partner with other women identifying individuals. I am a genderqueer and my gender identity is in fluid motion between male and female therefore it is really hard for me to say that I am actually a lesbian even if I have only recently been in serious relationships with lesbians. My trans identity underlies my sexual fantasies. So… let me tell you a little bit about them.
They are not the traditional boy-girl stationary, boring sex that many may think. *Most* of the boys I fall for are in ONE specific category, really, really, really gay! In most cases they are the typically gay man that we all know, and love. In some cases so gay that they are often confused as women. In a very, very few cases I fall in love with straight men as well, but these are the minority in my thoughts and ideas.
With the traditional gay men that I fall for, I think about us having a deep connection complete with talking, cuddling, and tea drinking in essence the ‘lesbian’ relationship between two queer individuals. But the sex with these men is what is different. I dream about dominating them, tying them up, and fucking them in the ass, it’s a shocker I know! I want to strap on my own personal penis and be their man. Actually I’ve wanted to grow up and be a man since at least the 3rd grade. Just, back then no one believed me – and now it’s just really expensive.
With the gay men who are often confused as women I get the most excited. These gender deviant individuals remind me of myself in a non-narcissistic way. I imagine them being as interested in sex and a relationship with other gender deviant individuals as I am. Meaning that exploration, questions, comments and concerns are much more important. I imagine that sex would go back in forth with me being both dominant and submissive, with sex toys, hands, mouths, and genital all being used to their full potentials. This grouping of individuals is also the only group I feel my fanatics will ever become realities with because they are on the same pursuit of sexual discovery as I am. My only fear is that during a fight, one of these queers is going to pierce me with a stiletto.
The last group of men, the straight men I almost completely left out of this monologue. That is because I do not typically sexualize these individuals when I imagine them. There is a lot of cuddling, and kissing but no thoughts of how it would be like to actually have sex with them. Perhaps this is because I fear losing my queer identity and falling into the hetero-normative lifestyle. Or perhaps I am scared of Michael Blankenship’s infamous phrase, “Nik you are such a bad lesbian!” Though, be it know it is this group of men that when fallen for, I pine the hardest after. Any one of my friends will tell you how it looks when I lust and swoon and melt over a straight man without ever expressing any interest to them publically, because I have learned I can not lead them on. Moreover, I feel part the interest I have in these men stems from the pursuit and tension I create within myself.
My sexual fantasies, of course are something my lesbian lovers cannot fulfill for me no matter if I tell them about it or not. It is not like I want to sex them up the ass, I am perfectly content with the way my interactions and relations with them are. In fact I really like lesbian sex! I’ve been told on many occasions that I should try it out with bi-sexual. You actually do get the best of both worlds, without them thinking about who else you like having sex with because they don’t like having sex with one gender either. But I do sometimes fine myself dreaming about that one gay man, who I have always been in love with, wondering if he will ever make my wildest dreams come true. So if you have any thoughts…. Comments… or questions… I live on read 2nd
Day Two
The next step in my trans identity is the scent. We each have our ouw smell and I've decided to play up that smell using Pheromone Cologne. Last August while in boys town Chicago I bought my first bottle of Climax Xfactor for men. I love it! but it did cost me quite a bit. So I went online I found it for much cheaper (thank you amazon)
and today two cute little bottles of the stuff came to me via UPS.
Now I will have the "Nik" scent that makes me feel more comfortable about my male clothing, and consequently about my female clothing as well! Who would have thought colouge would ever be my thing, or would ever give me an ego/confidance boost!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
The Account
This afternoon I set up a saving account. I have decided to start saving for top surgery, and today I made a pointed decision that this is that important to me.
Many of you may know that I am attached to the idea of breastfeeding children - very attached to it in fact. I find the whole process nourishing, and beautifully organic. Kate's first comment was along these lines, but I reassured her that I was aware and that this is what I want even if it means losing a small dream. It is a mental as well as physical change that I want to undergo - and I have not made a hasty decision as much of my time and effort goes into thinking if not about my own trans identity, than about others.
I also bought myself a real compression vest today.
I started a new journal and I labeled today as day one to my new changes. Although I have been making small changes and decisions for a while now - the big decisions are beginning to manifest in front of me
My T.S. account currently has $110 in it. That leaves me with $7,890 to go.
I think the account needs a catchy or punny name
ideas?
Many of you may know that I am attached to the idea of breastfeeding children - very attached to it in fact. I find the whole process nourishing, and beautifully organic. Kate's first comment was along these lines, but I reassured her that I was aware and that this is what I want even if it means losing a small dream. It is a mental as well as physical change that I want to undergo - and I have not made a hasty decision as much of my time and effort goes into thinking if not about my own trans identity, than about others.
I also bought myself a real compression vest today.
I started a new journal and I labeled today as day one to my new changes. Although I have been making small changes and decisions for a while now - the big decisions are beginning to manifest in front of me
My T.S. account currently has $110 in it. That leaves me with $7,890 to go.
I think the account needs a catchy or punny name
ideas?
since Spring Break
I haven't had much to say since being back from Spring Break
I've been watching movies, and Flight of the Conchords
doing a lot of reading
doing very little writing
and having an okay time about it all!
I am preforming a monologue this weekend and it is one of the most revealing ones I've ever decided to preform. I will be posting it here on Thursday or Friday.
I've been watching movies, and Flight of the Conchords
doing a lot of reading
doing very little writing
and having an okay time about it all!
I am preforming a monologue this weekend and it is one of the most revealing ones I've ever decided to preform. I will be posting it here on Thursday or Friday.
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