I don't think I will ever sleep again. The ladies at the health center tell me that I will get better. That it will only take some time. I've started to get to a point though where it doesn't matter. I am awake all of the time, even when I am asleep my thoughts aren't. I think about pounding away at the computer, writing words into the screen. Poetry and rhythm.
Last night I slept 3 hours, but I was dreaming the entire time, meaning I couldn't sleep soundly. Nothing I do can change this. This is just who I am becoming.
I don't even believe the health center anymore, I don't think I will get better. And that scared me.
At least I am writing DAMN good poetry.
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2 comments:
Who doesn't love unsolicited advice?!
Your trouble sleeping seems to be a pretty long-lasting and substantial one, so maybe you've already thought of this, but have you considered any herbal sleep aids? Valerian root is a very effective natural one; catnip less so, though it also has the nice effect of being an anti-nausea plant. There are tons more out there that you can try. Check out www.erowid.org for info about them, and www.iamshaman.com for a place to buy them on the cheap.
They've worked well for me in the past, as they have for people for hundreds of years. Can't argue with nature!
Hope your problem solves itself soon. Sleeplessness is the WORST!
I have been using Valerian root. This even in largest recommenced dose doesn't relax the sort of tension I am currently having. It works for me when I am normally not able to sleep. My current situation is based off of more panic attacks, and when I do sleep I am having really bad dreams. So the issue is the dreams make me not want to sleep even when I desperately need it.
My other normal reaction would be to take a walk, but I have also been manifesting my anxiety in hallucination and paranoia. As you may be aware, walking at night in this current state would not be settling. Even on campus.
Ben, have not fear. I am seeking help, and did sleep 5 hours last night without too awful of dreams. and some of that 5 hours was in a 2 hour chunk!
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