Last night we had a little break in the family dynamics which sent me and my broken little heart into a massive amount of tears. I've started to huge task of coming out to my family, instead of just being out to my mum. It has been a lot harder than you might think at first glance. My brother for example decided to make some strange comments that read transphobic and sexist. It was really hard for me to bear, because he's just a teenager who's grumpy already. I think they all just need some adjustment time. My grandfather was probably the worst though. He's a gay man, so I thought he would be the most supportive and helpful. Instead he told me that asking for the family to try and use gender neutral pronouns was me asking too much. He told me that! I tried to explain to him that gender neutral pronouns are the only thing I have. The only thing that allows me to express myself and the only thing that makes me feel comfortable. He still thought I was asking too much. I still cringe on the inside when I hear the she and her roll of of his tongue now.
It's been hard, and it's not about to get any easier. I have to sit down with my father and step mother. I have many younger siblings, and this is going to effect them sooner or later. I can't just come home fully passing as a boy and expect nothing to be different. It's hard for me, because there are so many people involved. Family is really important on both sides, my father's side for example can't believe I was home for over 24 hours before seeing my grandparents. I should have gone and seen them first thing out of bed on Saturday morning. No questions asked. How are things going to change when I come home as a boy. I think facial hair will be too much for many of them t handle, but will I shape myself for their comfort. I don't want to lose my family, I love hearing their stories and eating food and just being around all the general merriment. It is something I have had my entire life, and I know that it matters a lot.
I've decided that at least my future partner will not have to explain too much about me. I want to pass as a male, because being a genderqueer lawyer may not go over too well. I also love the idea of being a father someday. It makes that little pit in my stomach happy, and excited to grow up.
I am doing okay, and I didn't even have to cry today to get there!
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2 comments:
Family: The Final Frontier.
Good luck, brave explorer. You're in territory I've not begun to tread.
This is the Major General Jameson Speaking, I have suceffully ran the mission on the conservative parent's front. The report can be read in the most recent blog post titled, coming out again. I must say this was one of the trickest flights this airman has ever maneuvered, and I am far from landing on solid ground. Moral is high. I am continuing to be a brave soul, I can only ask the same for all my fellow airmen.
That is all
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