ruined for all others

There is a line in the movie P.S. I love you where on of the characters says something alone the lines of - I want to find a women and love her and use her up until she is ruined for all other men.

I never though a person could be ruined for all others unless something like death or tragedy struck them personally. Yesterday one of my friends was telling me about another one of my friends.
The story goes - boy meets boy and they fall for each other almost instantly. Both boys are gorgeous, it is almost hard to look at them together because they are so beautiful. His whole first year my friend dated this beautiful boy, until the summer between first and second year. The other boy was going abroad and they broke up. Since then it has been said my friend has been ruined for all other boys. This is because he has been unable to hold down a monogamous relationship since this breakup. (it has been almost 2 years for the boy)

Now this story sounds all to familiar to my own. I've had two actual relationships since ending things last summer with Erica. The first one I freaked out in and didn't really comprehend the entire time. I think the whole last part of my summer and first part of my semester was just lived in a blur of emotions and confusion. So I spent my first semester mostly indoors on weekends - when I did go out it was kind of a free for all and my friends couldn't control me sometimes. For example the cold day that I walked back to Loose 2nd in only my sports bra and jeans! Or the night of 80's where I ended up going home completely naked then spent hours talking with the kids on my floor (I was only in my bathrobe)

Needless to say when I started this semester with a girlfriend I though being monogamous would not be a problem. I'm not doomed by my past relationships! Yet, 80% of weekends I would get drunk then go and make out with 4-12 people before finding my girl. It was ridiculous, but I couldn't stop myself from doing it. It's no wonder that she broke up with me - I am surprised she put up with it for so long. The only problem I was faced with, was that she didn't ever tell me it upset her, or that I shouldn't do it. I would have only needed one scolding or upset look and I would have been done, it wouldn't have been worth it.

Now instead I think back to Anna and to Erica my only really significant relationships and I wonder if they did ruin me for others. Not permanently I hope, but for the present.

this goes on though, beyond the people I am hooking up with
I feel as though I have become bad at relationship and relating to people. This has been the case for about 2 years now. It is not normal for me to spend long periods of time in the same place, or continue back to that place. I almost never feel a draw from a particular space or time because of this it is easy for me to change my surroundings. I fear though that this is causing me to not form and harbor my relationships anymore. This is because I am often sure that I can look to the next space and the next time to make new friends and acquaintances. I don't want this to be my problem, or my life.

I've spent a lot of time at Grinnell and I keep coming back to this place. I am not sure anyone knows how hard it is for me to come back each time, I almost fear it. I fear getting stuck.
I am trying to keep in contact with my friends who are far away, but sometimes I don't think it is worth the effort anymore. I hate to think this way because I love all my really good friends from Grinnell, and I can't handle thinking about losing them.
My nomadic ways also make it hard for me to think abut going back to camp this summer. It will be one of the first times I've gone back to a place that I lived to do the same things again (other than Grinnell) and I am not sure how I am going to handle it.

To the reader, this may all seem strange and not like me at all. But this is the truth and I am working on understanding it still myself. I apologize for any choppy thoughts, or incomplete ideas. I will work on this in the next few days and weeks, and see if I can find more answers to my own questions.