selfishness

It has been 10 days since my last update. I have been doing a lot of thinking in that time and quite a few topics were blog worthy, but lifting my fingers the the keyboard didn't happen as smoothly.

I've been working a lot on Trans Awareness Week. In fact, today I need to work more on my workshop. I am going to be talking about sex. More specifically how to talk about sex with your partner if he/she/ze is trans, or transitioning. Or if you are the trans person, how to address these issues with your partner. I am really excited about this discussion, and I hope people leave the space empowered and excited about sex.

In other news I am going to be house-sitting in a few weeks, for a woman who's having surgery in Iowa City. Her cats, are very old and there is the possiblity of one dying either before, or while I am house sitting. This frightens me, but also helps me reminber that life is something I can not control. I can only help the animal feel comfortable, and less scared in it's few days with me.

I am also struck lately with how old my cat is. When I look at her I remember all the years we have been together. Yet she's aged the most in the last few since I've been in College. She walks slower, and is calm most of the time. Even when she's had cat-nip. She looks through eyes, that have seen hundreds of sunrises and many nights. She's beautiful, and I want her to be in my life always. I am aware that this is a selfish and unrealistic wish, yet it is my wish to have.

I have been a bit more selfish lately. I've been worrying about myself. Looking out for my own good. I understand that I am my own burdan, and not someone else's. Other people may help me through the day in small ways, but I still have to live with myself always. I've been taking more alone time, and more showers. I've been sitting in quite places to do my homework. I've been going to sleep at a better hour with my door locked. I've been turning off my phone more often, and leaving it on silent when I am working. The fewer distractions I have, the more productive I am able to be. With school creeping up on me, and life not so far around the corner, I really need to keep up my productiveness and my ability to concentrate on tasks.

Multitasking tires the brain, so I've been trying not to stress my mind out when I have the choice. It's been working for me. I hope I can continue it.