I have made the conscious decision to start using they and them as pronouns to describe individuals whos gender identity I have never been explained. This includes: all strangers, professors, and aquaintences who have never refered to themselves with a pronoun.
I have been doing a pretty good job so far, and I hope to continue. I don't want anyone to be offended that I am taking away their pronoun, so if you haven't explained your gender orientation maybe it's time to think about it and get to understanding why you choose your pronoun.
If we much have gendered pronouns at least we should have the choice to choose them and have the responsibility to question them before falling into our specific categories.
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I think this is very interesting...do you consider using "they" and "them" to be especially incendiary? Because honestly, semi-literate people have been doing this for years instead of "he or she" (which still excludes many people), at least that I've noticed. But I'm on the train with you! I tried using exclusively "ze" and "hir" for a while, and it actually worked out remarkably well once I got past the awkward, halting period where they wouldn't roll naturally off my tongue. Now I've changed my thinking. I think ze and hir should be reserved for people who neither masculine nor feminine pronouns fit...and they and them should be used on people whose gender is undetermined!
Maybe this is where we differ: are you saying that, unless somebody actually approaches you and says "I would like it if you used this set of pronouns," you'll refer to them as they? If so, then that is indeed where we differ. I will use he or she if the person is quite obviously presenting as binary-gendered. However, if referring to a theoretical person (as in "that's what they say"), when intentionally trying to mask a person's identity (for instance, as a bisexual male who most people assume is a man, I have to be very careful when I describe my interactions with people for fear of them assuming there is some sort of sexual content to our relationship), or when the details of someone's gender would cheapen or otherwise change the meaning of what I'm saying (such as when discussing normally gendered activities like crying, holding hands, or beating the shit out of someone).
Of course, in our world, there is almost no action that anyone can do that will change in meaning when relayed to someone as one gender or another, and so I have found that the overwhelming majority of cases it is appropriate to use they or them.
WORD! Much love, sibling
I am using 'they' for each person who has not use a pronoun for themselves already. This includes individuals who appear to be female or male, because I have come to realize and learn even these individuals may not have set gender identities or pronouns.
Also my point is I want more people to discuss and think about pronouns, instead of just accepting what society lays for us.
My question is, how many people have you found that speak of themselves in the third person in that way?
The point in not that they refer to themselves in this was in the third person. I don't want to make judgments about their gender identity based on perception. Therefore until I know how they refer to themselves I will choose to use a genderless method of identification.
I understood that part. The part I was concerned with is, how would you determine how they refer to themselves? The only way you could be really sure is if you heard it from the horses mouth, and most people use first person pronouns when they are speaking about themselves. It seems like there would be very few opportunities in the normal passage of conversation that somebody would have chance to say definitely what they are. It almost seems like you'd have to ask them, or they'd have to say, exactly what their gender is.
As stated before, I'm down with the cause, I'm just confused about how you'll pull it off.
Pce sibling (I've started using "sibling" instead of "brother/sister" because I LOVE the connotation of calling someone your brother or sister but I want it gender neutral!)
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