I want to hold your hand

I have been postpoing my next blog post because I was so content with my last one, and I simply do not want to fuck up my mood. So I will talk at you a little bit today about taking time for myself.

since leaving Grant McCracken as mentioned in the last post I’ve been spending a lot of time reading and writing, and away from Grinnell College and other students. Of course in the mail room I’ve had interactions, but my nights have been spent mostly in the comfort of Kate Baumgartner’s extra bed, or the space right in front of it.

This has been a time for me to wind-down from the awful semester that I just ended. Which left me with a caffeine addiction, a nicotine addiction, a hate for D. Campbell, and a big bite of confusion. I left Read 2nd confused about myself, confused about my friends, confused about Grinnell, and confused about what I wanted to do next.

These last few days have been emotionally rewarding. As well as physically detoxing! No, I have not broken my caffeine nor my nicotine addictions, but I have take a huge step back from both. I even went 24 hours without a cigarette and around 10 waking hours without caffeine.

I needed to take some time to recharge because I am about to face the summer, where I am surrounded by girls 24 hours a day from Sunday afternoons until Friday afternoons. I do get 3 hour breaks everyday but Thursday, yet I still worry about the girls and about other camp related stuff. Yet, I am so excited and motivated for this summer. I’ve been looking forward to it for a few months now.

I’ve spent my time reading, writing, gardening, and enjoying silence. I couldn’t be happier with staying in a night, or being bored for a hour. But this all must end soon as Tuesday morning at 2.20 am my bus leaves Des Moines and I am off towards my next adventure.

Before then I must pack food, do laundry, see a few people, and sleep. I add sleep into this, because I’ve not been sleeping regularly. My nights don’t end until well after 2 am. This sleep cycle will kick my ass at camp, so I need to get into gear this next week.

Along with recharging, I got my family dose yesterday. My 6 year old sister, 4 year old brother, greying father, and pregnant step-mum all came to Grinnell for the day. We spent time in the park. Went for a swim. Talked to Zoe on skype. I got my Kewanee gossip and Family gossip from my dad and step-mum. This happened while I stared at the celine in the hotel room and the talked on either side of me. I played with toys. We coloured. Levi caught me singing to Pokemon theme song and made me sing it again. Instead I put on my i-tunes. Then we continued to listen to the who album with the visualizer on. I unfortunately fell asleep and woke up to Haylie staring at me. (This is a normal occurrence at home) It made me super home sick, but in only 81 more days I will see her again (and my cat)!


Now I am ready to run away to Colorado with the choppy cell phone reception, cold mountain air, girl scouts, and summer stories.

I will report back to you all about my 15 hours in greyhound buses, and my stay with Banana. Until then - happy travels in your own lives. Weather they are big or small!


p.s the title of this post refers to all of you in the world I am missing right now. consider your hands held tight ^_^